Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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