I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
