My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
