If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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