Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize