best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
