We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
