I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize