Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
