I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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