No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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