Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
