No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
