I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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