I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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