So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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