I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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