Dual....:-)
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize