I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
