i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
