we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
