Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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