I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
