He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
