just tell him i said nine months
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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