Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
