I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
