about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There r osticjed everywhere
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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