I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
