she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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