Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Boobs are out for the taking
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
