We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
