I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
