JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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