What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
