best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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