I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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