I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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