He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
