like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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