Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize