Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
