is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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