I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just had sex on a roof
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize