Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
