I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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