We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
