we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The best revenge is premature balding
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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