Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
