That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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