your room smells of hookers.
And success
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
