A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
