remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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