I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
