Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
