hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
