For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
