I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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