just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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