piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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