So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize