worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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