I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
