I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
