Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
