Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
