You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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