Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
