so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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