After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
